Who do you love loving?

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The first time I noticed being loved, I was a chubby seven year old little boy, dressed in my best cowboy attire.

There was a red bandana, a cowboy hat and from the days of realistic looking cap guns, a shiny six shooter holstered to my waist.

The plaid, Tough-skin pants from the husky department at Mitchell’s department store were not true to form but didn’t matter.

My parents were taking me to Six Gun City and I was losing my mind with excitement.

An older cousin had been describing New Hampshire’s fake western ghost town / mini theme park for months.

Amidst miles and miles of,  “Are we almost there?”, “I can’t believe it!” and “Can I ride a horse, shoot a bad guy and get a big ice cream?”, I paused.

“Mom, are you happy?” I asked

“I’m happy when you’re happy, Jimmy” she replied

I’ve never forgotten that moment or the care behind those words.

The heart of love is not merely a feeling.

The heart of love is a mix of feeling and subsequent action.

Think of someone you love dearly.

Get a clear image in your mind.

Now, as if they were sitting in front of you, finish this thought;

I love you (say the person’s name) therefore I (insert an action that makes them feel uniquely loved as an individual).

Maybe you want to finish this sentence on behalf of several loved ones.

Perhaps you can list several actions for one person.

Now consider how serving someone you love makes you feel.

Is it a chore?

Is it an obligation that you are checking off a list?

Are you just going through the motions because you feel like you’re are not getting anything in return, or are you like my mom?

When she said “I’m happy when you’re happy”, what she was really saying is you are my boy, and I love loving you.

She was saying you are the apple of my eye and the heart of my heart.

She was saying If bringing chubby little you, to a fake western ghost town, way up in New Hampshire, feeding you ice cream and allowing you to engage in a fake gunfight with a fake cowboy is going to make you feel love, then lets go!

Whose happiness makes you happy?

 

The love that’s in between

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Between the Creator and the world

When your feelings are hurt

Love

When you are offended

Love

When you are lonely

Love

When you are angry

Love

When you are afraid

Love

When you are frustrated

Love

When you blow it

Love

When the end is near

Love

Your

Self,

without shame, confusion or excuses…

 

 

Stop your husband from being a slob!

Hard-Conversations

My wife came to the gym with me yesterday.
It was a big deal.
We are learning the power of making requests.
It’s one thing to say “I’m so tired of you being such a slob”
It’s another thing to look your partner in the eye and say “I am requesting that you pick all of your clothes up from the floor and stop just dropping things”
That, by the way, is her request of me.
For a long time I’ve said things like “You’d feel so much better if you did some cardio”
Usually she would just look at me and say “what have you done with my husband???”
Yesterday I phrased it as a request to come to the gym with me and she said yes.
Requests are clear, powerful and when done properly have all parties best interests at heart.
A request is less about pointing out what you see as a failure or a deficiency in your partner and more about a mutual longing for a kind of life that lies on the other side of your choices.

So how do you make a request?

1.  Examine your motivation  – Why are you making the request and how will it be beneficial to all parties?

2.  Change your shoes – By putting yourself in your partners shoes you can consider how the request itself may impact them.

3.  Let go of the response – You may work up courage to make the request only to have it denied.  It doesn’t mean they don’t love and respect you.  They may just not be ready or may need more support than you thought.  By not jumping into disappointment you create an opportunity to better understand their needs.

4.  Don’t make it a contest:  She didn’t accept my request so I’m not going to accept hers!  That attitude is a guaranteed wall builder and a hot house for resentment.

Remember that requests are not just for couples.  Try this approach with co workers, friends and family members to see how making clear, well defined, mutually beneficial requests improve communication and create positive results.

Even though this is not a contest I have to admit that I’m more inspired to get my clothes up off the floor…

No time like the present.

Curious about life coaching?  If you are ready to schedule your sample session or have any questions just call:  978.994.0431 or email thatlifenow@gmail.com