Fat people are funny!
Nineteen years ago, in a tiny, dark studio apartment I sat and ate a large sausage and extra cheese pizza by myself.
The electricity had been turned off because my financial life was as out of control as the rest of it.
I had already had dinner with friends but like many of us who are or were morbidly obese, dinner with friends always looked normal.
It wasn’t what I ate at dinner that caused me to eventually become 430lbs. What caused me to get that large was what I ate secretly, alone, in shame and on this night, literally covered in darkness.
I ate the last slice and called the electric company. Shortly after the lights came back on, but things were no brighter.
No one knew…
Food wasn’t the only thing I was hiding and the amount of energy I put into being someone I thought others would want to have around was exhausting.
Years ago, when I reclaimed my life and transformed my body I lost more than weight.
It was in the process of saying goodbye to unwanted lbs that I was able to say goodbye to the part of me that felt it needed to be more ,in order to be loved, accepted and included.
In my case “more” equaled funny…
As my body changed, countless people said the following.
“Wow, you look amazing! Are you still going to be funny?”
Seriously, countless and usually before I even opened my mouth.
Others, after random conversations would say “You look great, but you’re not as funny as you used to be”.
When it became clear that this was going to be a common theme, I called my friend Gina and told her about what people were asking and saying.
“Gina” I said, “people are telling me I’m different now… They are saying that I’m not as funny anymore”
“Thank God!” she replied.
At the heart of her exclamation was the fact that being a clown all the time was not the full measure of who I really am. She made the point that not being my authentic self was not only not good for me but also not good for the people with whom I was connecting.
She reminded me that what people really needed was for me to be real and that in being real I would free others to do the same.
That is my encouragement to you.
The part of you that feels it needs to do more, be someone else or put on an act so that people will love and accept you, serves no one. Getting free and discovering how to be the real you is a gift to yourself and to the world.
Here are a few steps towards greater authenticity.
Check yourself – By becoming self aware we are able to discover where we feel most ok. Begin to notice when you naturally feel at ease and connected without putting on an act. Also take notice of when you feel on edge and find yourself putting on a show. Those cues will enable to you know when you need to pause and connect with the real you, you long to be.
Know who your friends are – Spreading yourself too thin relationally ensures that people will get less of you. Deep friendships are a two way street where you give but you also get. One sided friendships are not real and will drain you if you are the exclusive giver. In a balanced relationship you are more likely to be real and from that place you are free to serve your loved ones better and ask for what you need.
Free yourself to fail – For me, trying to be funny all the time was my way of making up for people having to be friends with me. My opinion of my true self was so low that with humor I was trying to apologize for who I was. Not only do you have nothing to intrinsically apologize for but by being honest about where you actually miss the mark you will find a way to heal the parts of your relationships that need it.
Are you ready to try life coaching on for size? Email ThatLifeNow@gmail.com or call 978-994-0431 today!
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Follow Jim Trick on twitter @JimTrick
Life coaching is the deliberate process of helping people identify and achieve personal / professional goals. Coaching tends to focus on the present moment with special attention to a desired result. Focused conversations create an environment for growth, purposeful action, and sustained improvement. Coaching brings a myriad of benefits: fresh perspectives on personal challenges, enhanced decision-making skills, greater interpersonal effectiveness, and increased confidence.