Kick your “can’t” to the curb…



When Alison married me I was 430lbs

Can you imagine?

She is 4’11” and a perfect weight for her height.

(see what I did there?)

We will have been married for fourteen years this June and I am literally half the size I was back then.

Yesterday I found myself in  a role that had you told me fourteen years ago I would be in, I would have thought you were out of your mind.

Yesterday I got to play the role of my wife’s personal trainer.

I was as surprised as you are right now!

We walked into planet fitness, got her logged in as my guest and made our way to the elliptical machine, got her set up with a thirty minute, level three, interval workout.

She rocked it.

I have to admit that she rocked it way harder than I expected.

Very impressive.

Our next move was a mix of crunches and push ups.

Crunches on the crunch thing were a bit of a slow start but she got into her stride.

I could tell that her hesitation was beginning to grow.

“ok babe, push up time! Ready?”  I asked.

“Ummmm….. ok?” she replied her voice clearly uncertain.

I got her a mat and began to show her the starting position for a “modified” push up.

“I can’t” she said… “I can’t do this…. I can’t”

In total she offered seven “I can’ts” and then something happened.

I invited her to just do one.

One and done.

We made a few adjustments to where her hands were in relation to her shoulders and got her toes up off the ground.

She was poised for the one, greatest, modified pushup that the world has ever seen.

She didn’t do one…

After saying “I can’t” seven times and then having been asked to do just one, she didn’t.

She did twenty eight!

She got to seven and I said wow, lets get to ten.

Ten came and went and I said, jeez babe you’ve got twenty in you?

I counted them out for her and as my tone of voice shifted in one of certain completion, I said the word twenty.

She just kept going.

Twenty eight in total.

I can’t

Seriously I can’t

You don’t understand…


I can’t

It feels so true.

You’d pass a lie detector test if they asked you whether or not you believed you could.

Last week I was confronted with a couple “I can’ts” of my own.

With a few adjustments and an attainable goal Ali was able to accomplish what only moments earlier she was convinced she couldn’t.

What are you certain you can’t do?

What have you convinced yourself that you can’t have?

Who are you sure you can’t be?

Let’s start there but let’s not stop there.

I have my sites set on something I know I can’t do.

I’ll be making an announcement about it  soon.

I can’t…
I can…

I did…

I can’t…

I can…

I did…

I can’t…

I can…

I did…

You get the point…

Curious about life coaching?  If you are ready to schedule your sample session or have any questions just call:  978.994.0431 or email

Stop your husband from being a slob!


My wife came to the gym with me yesterday.
It was a big deal.
We are learning the power of making requests.
It’s one thing to say “I’m so tired of you being such a slob”
It’s another thing to look your partner in the eye and say “I am requesting that you pick all of your clothes up from the floor and stop just dropping things”
That, by the way, is her request of me.
For a long time I’ve said things like “You’d feel so much better if you did some cardio”
Usually she would just look at me and say “what have you done with my husband???”
Yesterday I phrased it as a request to come to the gym with me and she said yes.
Requests are clear, powerful and when done properly have all parties best interests at heart.
A request is less about pointing out what you see as a failure or a deficiency in your partner and more about a mutual longing for a kind of life that lies on the other side of your choices.

So how do you make a request?

1.  Examine your motivation  – Why are you making the request and how will it be beneficial to all parties?

2.  Change your shoes – By putting yourself in your partners shoes you can consider how the request itself may impact them.

3.  Let go of the response – You may work up courage to make the request only to have it denied.  It doesn’t mean they don’t love and respect you.  They may just not be ready or may need more support than you thought.  By not jumping into disappointment you create an opportunity to better understand their needs.

4.  Don’t make it a contest:  She didn’t accept my request so I’m not going to accept hers!  That attitude is a guaranteed wall builder and a hot house for resentment.

Remember that requests are not just for couples.  Try this approach with co workers, friends and family members to see how making clear, well defined, mutually beneficial requests improve communication and create positive results.

Even though this is not a contest I have to admit that I’m more inspired to get my clothes up off the floor…

No time like the present.

Curious about life coaching?  If you are ready to schedule your sample session or have any questions just call:  978.994.0431 or email