One step to a deeper friendship


“The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing… not healing, not curing… that is a friend who cares.         -Henri Nouwen

I am wired to try to fix things.

Often when Alison would be having a bad day I would meet her issues with solutions.

Solutions are no longer my first response.

It has required discipline and a philosophical shift but I have learned.

Even if the solution is quick, easy and guaranteed there are so many times when we serve a moment best when we simply listen.



A strong hand

A hot mug of tea

It’s not always the only thing required.

Often I simply ask “Is this a moment when you just need me to listen?”

Other times I can just tell.

Silent care requires courage to not fix, but instead to experience along side.

Not trying to fix the problem allows better and more creative solutions to surface from other sources.

Perhaps the solution will even come from the person who is struggling.

Fancy that!

5 thoughts on “One step to a deeper friendship

      • I too am a fixer, and I’ve come to understand that while I DO love to help people, there is at least an equal part of me that fixes because of my need to be needed. My helpfulness is often about ME, ironically. Working on it, but it isn’t easy.

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